My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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