Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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