My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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