I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
