Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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