trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
