can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
