ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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