Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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