Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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