Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
did i just pee glitter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
