Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
