Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
