I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
