your parents love me but you hate me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
did you just send me my own nude
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
