My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize