I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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