I look better un-naked...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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