I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
