apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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