I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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