Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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