he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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