every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
