I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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