dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize