How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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