I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
