I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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