bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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