How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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