either way he was missing a nipple.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My vagina just recognized that song.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
