Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
