WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
