when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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