just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
