hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
