So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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