I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize