piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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