Plan B is the new Plan A
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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