DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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