Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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