you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
