if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
