no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize