so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
