Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
