Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize