I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
