I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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