is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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