i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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