He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
