That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
