my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
