You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
