just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
