I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
