I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
