K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can I color on your dick again?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
