I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
