even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Randomize