my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
