is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
