I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize