sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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