turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
