Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
