I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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