Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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