I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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