sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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