He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
