I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
