Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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