She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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