I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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