I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
