I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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