I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
