Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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