Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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