I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
