Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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