Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Welp...herpes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ttyl tear gas
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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