I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
