Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
