Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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