The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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