The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They have beer where we have blood.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
