If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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