He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
