Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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