you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
