It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
