Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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