I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
