your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
