ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
