Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
