dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
