i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
