i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
