It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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