no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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