My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
