Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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