I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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