I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
