just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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