I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
