I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
