My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
