Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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