omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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